I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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