Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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