Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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