either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
