every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The air taste purple.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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