I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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