I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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