he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
