I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
