I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
