i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
