theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
