I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize