I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Michael Bay diarrhea
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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