I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize