So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
