The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
