Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
