My sheets look like a crime scene.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I think I just sharted jello shots
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
