He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
