Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
