how can u be prego again
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
