I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
