I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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