u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize