She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we're making bets on your personal life
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
