HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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