My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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