I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
