OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
