I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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