Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
