I'm jealous of your bromance
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
