nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
