i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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