I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize