So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
