His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
