He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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