I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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