i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize