It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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