this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
