How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im holly from the hills drunk
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
