Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My ass is underappreciated
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
