wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
