Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
