Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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