I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize