Pants 0. Shit 1.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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