I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
