oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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