she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
