I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
