so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
