so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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