i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
