just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
