based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
