Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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