So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize