:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
