imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
