You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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