I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I will die if light touches me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
