Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
