my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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