I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
