$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
