i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
