I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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