The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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