I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
