One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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