are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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