we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
