Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
