My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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