i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize