yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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