One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
