Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize