Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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