He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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