I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
