Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
