That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She even gives head with a lisp.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
