ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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