I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
