Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm getting married
To pizza
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