sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
