ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
