saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
