dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
