At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I still have a little drunk in my system
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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